Again, it has been awhile. I have been having a hard time thinking of what I want to write. I open up the page, place my fingers on my laptop and then nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Of course I can just type the facts. My Dad and Julie have been up at the Mayo. 5 days there, 2 days home. He has been having lots and lots of tests. And he has begun his radiation and chemo. He is doing well considering. There, those are the facts. Seems easy to type, right?

The only problem is that I am not a robot. Every time I have tried to type these things I draw a blank and I go numb. I have so many feelings about all of this and I am constantly trying to find out what exactly I am feeling. At times I am just so sad. I wish it was me this time and not my Dad. He has been through so much! Then I get mad at myself because I feel like when I think negatively about all of this and get all why now why him. I am just putting negativity out there and that does no good.

So I am trying to be as optimistic as possible. Because he will get through this! I know he will. I just know what is on the road ahead. We've been down this road before. Although my Dad has not had a transplant before he has had his colon removed, not easy. And he has been through chemo before. So maybe this time instead of the fear of the unknown I am having the fear of the fuck I know what this is going to be like. I know how this is going to affect my Dad.

I know that there are times that my Dad is scared, sad, tired and just altogether bummed. But I also know that he has times of pure joy, love, peace and altogether goodness. Those are the moments I try and think of when I am feeling down. Those moments that even though my Dad has been through so much he still is happy! Extremely happy!

So now I am smiling. Because I have a wonderful image of my Dad smiling. I'm going to hold on to that image until I see him tomorrow. When see that smile in person. =)

It's Been Awhile

Whew, it has been awhile. My Dad had a few weeks where he was back at home away from any testing. He is now back at The Mayo for some more testing. He will have tests until Friday.

It definitely felt good to have a few weeks without the whole "hanging by the edge of your seat waiting for test results". I'm sure my Dad felt the same way. But at the same time I'm sure we all had the "holy cow lets get this thing started".

I'm not really sure what will come after these tests. But I am hoping that the chemo follows immediately. Because, holy cow lets get this thing started. ;)

I will post again when the test results start to come in. Please remember to keep my Dad and our family in your thoughts and prayers. My Dad is incredibly strong but sometimes it feels good to know that you have back-up.

The Road Ahead

Thank goodness those lymph nodes were clear! I really think that everyones positive thoughts, prayers and good energy really helped. I know my Dad felt them. Thank you!

Since the cancer had not spread my Dad is a candidate for a liver transplant. We will find out if the board agrees. We all feel very confident that they will all agree that my Dad should get that "golden liver". His Doctor told him and Julie that he does not think there will be a problem.

In the next couple of days my Dad will find out when he will start his chemo and radiation. This will have to be done at the Mayo. My Dad will go 5 days a week and then be able to come home on the weekends. The Doctor said that the way my Dad will be having the chemo will be very easy on his body. And that since my Dad took to chemo so well when he had Non Hodgkins Lymphoma this should be a piece of cake. =) They will also be doing another endoscopy and they will be putting radiation directly on the tumor. Crazy!

In about a year my Dad should be having his transplant. I cannot even begin to describe the emotions that go through me as I type that. It's just the most wonderful thing. This "golden liver" is going to give my Dad a chance to live!!! Amazing!

Julie had sent me some info about one of my Dad's amazing Doctors. http://publish.aasld.org/about/governance/Pages/Gores.aspx Feel free to take a look and see what wonderful hands my Dad is in. =)

Fantastic News!

MY DAD'S LYMPH NODES ARE CLEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is that not the most beautiful thing you have ever heard!? I am in shock and in awe. This is such good news!

At this moment my Dad and Julie are high tailing it back home. I am so incredibly excited to see the both of them. Awwwwwwww! I am so freakin excited!

Pray

Please pray for my Dad. My Dad and Julie met with the Dr today. He said that my Dad's ultra sound tomorrow is the big deal breaker. If the lymph nodes have not been compromised then my Dad will be a good candidate for a liver transplant. But if they have been compromised then it is out of the question. They can surgically remove the tumor, and some of the bile duct system, a process called resection. But it does not guarantee a cure. If they do the resection they can never go back and do a transplant.

Thank you everyone for all for your kind words and prayers this past week. We need the prayers more then ever.

Let The Week Begin

My Dad was back from the Mayo this weekend. I went to visit on Saturday and it was fantastic. My Dad looked good! He had put on a couple of pounds and looked really healthy. It was such a relief.

We had some great conversations. My Dad is the strongest (and bravest) man I know. I am so incredibly proud to be his daughter. He is the calm in this crazy storm. I am even tearing up just typing this............He is just so inspiring! He inspires you to look at the world differently. To be a better person. I love him!

The next three days will be filled with more tests and information. Originally he was going to come back on Tuesday but now his Dr wants to add a test. (Hey whatever they need to do.)

Hopefully by Wednesday we will know more. As far as what the next step will be. And whatever that step is I know my Dad is ready. I mean really ready! He not only told me but I saw it in his eyes. His beautiful brave eyes.

Tests, tests and more tests

My Dad started a long list of tests today. Everything is going well and moving really fast.

My Dad will be coming back from the Mayo tomorrow and I am so excited to see him! I just want to hug him so badly. Talking on the phone just isn't the same as in person. Although it is so reassuring to hear his voice. He is doing so good right now and is on the right track.

He will be home for the weekend and then back off to the Mayo on Monday. Home on Tuesday and then back to the Mayo on Wednesday.

I'm so excited to see my Dad!!!!!